Here she is: the promised fun post! (Just about a month later than originally intended.) A few weeks ago I went with several co-workers on my very first safari to the Serengeti. Incredible! The pictures really tell most of the story and honestly they don’t even begin to capture how amazing it was. The landscape is as vast as I had always imagined and the animals so close and incredible. Some highlights of the day: Birds! The driver, my friend and co-worker Dave, is an avid bird watcher. My sister gave me the book “Birds of East Africa” for Christmas, and I am now starting to keep track of all the birds I see. Dave has good eyes to find the birds and can usually name the bird family immediately. This is then followed by a frantic search through the book in an attempt to identify the bird before it flies away. Some we got pictures of, some we didn’t. The birds here are unreal to me; the variety and colors amaze me. What a creative God we serve! I never imagined birds being a focus of a safari, but with Dave there, they certainly are. At one point, he cried out “Bird emergency!” and quickly shifted into reverse so we could get a better look at a bird we had nearly missed seeing. That might just be me in a year or two… A Leopard! Though none of us got a picture to prove it, we did indeed see a leopard. He was lazily perched in a tree about 50ft away from our car. Dave spotted him first, and we all sat in shock. Then during our frantic scramble for binoculars and cameras, the leopard slowly stretched and descended from the tree. One of our crew got a picture where you can kind of see his tail if you know what you’re looking for. Nonetheless, we saw him, and people go on many safaris and can’t ever say that. Crazy Roads! We are now in the middle of rainy season here (even as I write it’s pouring outside). This means that some of the roads in the Serengeti weren’t exactly smooth and friendly. We had a few close calls in the Land Cruiser, sliding around on the slick roads, sometimes a foot deep in mud. As a passenger in the back with no responsibility for our safety, I felt like a kid on a roller coaster and had the time of my life. Near the end of the day, one bump came out of nowhere and I think I hit the roof. Great fun!
WARNING!!! This post is more reflective, thoughtful, and slightly more depressing than those prior. No funny anecdotes here, just some real life stuff I’m struggling with and working through as I adjust to things here.It was written on one of my rougher days, and for this reason I have refrained from posting it, but have now decided to go for it anyways. I'll try to post something delightfully light and humorous within the next few days to make up for it.
Before I left for Tanzania, a good friend and former missionary told me that overseas, I would encounter the sin in my life more powerfully than I ever had before. She was right.
I can’t name exactly what it is that brings out the sin or makes me so much more aware of it. Maybe it’s the sense of lostness, the transition. Maybe it’s all the new people, being slammed into a new culture and language. Maybe it’s the overwhelming sense of incompetency I daily encounter. I don’t know. But I do know that every day it seems like a new sin, not an “oops I made a mistake” sin, but a deep character issue sin, is staring me in the face, hovering over my bed, waiting for me to wake up in the morning.
Satan can use sin to accuse and the Holy Spirit can reveal sin to convict us and lead us to repentance for the purpose of sanctification. I know that I’m forgiven, but what I can’t get over is how miserable the sin seems to make everything in the present. Separating the accusation from the call to repentance is a challenge. I know that Satan is working to use these revelations to my detriment. And quite honestly, some days he wins. Some days I end so despising myself- my words, my actions, my attitudes- that I want to give up completely. I don’t even want to be around myself, so why would God or anyone else ever choose to be around me if they really had the choice?
Here are some of the questions, thoughts and lies that I daily encounter:I can’t do it. I’m stupid and lazy. Why am I constantly so cranky? Why are other people morally so much better than I am? Why am I here? Is there even an ounce of compassion in my body? Will I ever be somewhat emotionally stable again, or is that a distant dream? Why am I here if I can’t do anything useful? I am not a nice person. I should give up talking completely, because inevitably I something rude or stupid, or something I just generally regret later.
All of those statements and questions have truth in them, whether or not they are actually true. And from the beginning, Satan has used truth, and then twisted it to serve his own purposes.
One of the problems is that these questions and lies can quickly lead to self-pity, an eternal battle of mine. Self-pity is tightly bound to pride, arrogance, envy, and selfishness. Most of those make it on the “top worst sins” lists in the Bible; all of them are highly apparent in my daily life. So then I cycle back to this overwhelming realization of how deep the sin is.
My answer? I have none, except that God is merciful and gracious and sent his one and only Son to die in payment for my sin. He will bring the work he has begun in me to completion. He remains faithful, even when I am faithless. He is with me. He loves me. He is a good Father, and will not give me a snake when I ask for a fish.
A wonderful friend sent me some words that I am clinging to, believing, if not always feeling, that they are true:“I have faith, not just in you, but in your Father who loves you, the Holy Spirit who is sanctifying you and in the Son who has redeemed you for His purposes.”
"Praise is due to you, O God, in Zion, and to you shall vows be performed.
O you who hear prayer, to you shall all flesh come.
When iniquities prevail against me, you atone for our transgressions.
Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple!"
Yes, both of those have happened in the past week. No exaggerations here, only the absolute truth.
Last week my roommate came in from the shower house only to inform me that there was a large black (angry) lizard in the sink. Now we have a nice little well built house and it has a nice little bathroom, or half bath I should more correctly say. We take showers in a little shower house a few steps away from the back door. It’s in quite a big room, which also contains the washing machine and a sink. The sink is the focus of this present story.
So Alison comes in the house and tells me there is a lizard in the sink outside. She leaves the door open in hopes he will find his way out, but no, he is stuck. By stuck I mean that he sits there not moving, then all of the sudden freaks out and attempts to jump out, scrambling on the sides of the sink, making quite a racket. Hmm, not really wanting to take a shower in this room- a little too vulnerable of a position. I got a broom to get him out, but was unable to find the guts to do so. I figured he would make a run for the door, which is where I was standing, but I didn’t want him to run at me. Nor did I particularly want to be stuck in a small room with a large angry lizard. So we ended up calling the guard to come help us- yes that makes me a chicken.He quickly got the lizard out and we were able to take our morning showers after all.
Now as for the roaches, the story is not long or complicated. We are fighting a baby roach epidemic in our kitchen. Like I said, it’s a well built little house and we try to keep things clean, but those little things just get places. Apparently they like the metal and warmth and crumbs of the toaster. A couple days ago, after getting our breakfast out of the toaster, I saw two small roaches crawl out. Ok, now that’s disgusting. What’s even more disturbing is that both Alison and I ate our toast, while commenting how gross it was and that we should probably take de-worming medication soon.So, if any of you get the urge to send some roach hotels our way, KARIBU! (welcome)
So this is the post where I seize the opportunity and tell you all the things I want here and how to send them to me. I figured “Why not?” Some of you have asked and I may as well publicize. Believe me when I say that getting letters mean a whole lot to me. So just get yourself a pack of international stamps and send away. But as for packages, here’s the order of business:
Packaging: Be aware of things that might leak or explode en route. Put those things in ziplocks if still wanting to send. The best way to send packages is in a padded envelope, because those don’t go through customs (ie I don’t have to pay to get them). The envelope should be the basic orangey color (it seems the white ones take longer).The other option is the flat rate box from the post office. This may be cheaper than an envelope. The smaller ones should fit into our PO Box without difficulty (again meaning I don’t have to pay).Of course, if you have something incredibly awesome to send that happens to be big, go for it and I will be thrilled to pay a little to get it out!
Customs Form: The key here is not to be too specific.If sending books or music, put “used media” (if necessary, read a page or listen to the cd before sending). Another option is to just put the ever so generic “gifts”.For approximate value, think garage sale prices, or even better, just label “NCV” (no commercial value).Do whatever you are most comfortable with.
Address:
Ellen McCaskill Box 1235 Musoma TANZANIA EAST AFRICA
Some Package Ideas: (The selfish part)
Tops: shirts/blouses; usually size medium; not too tight; cool but with sleeves; something that will hold shape (it will never see the inside of a dryer); wearable with a skirt
School Supplies: Bic pencils, 1-side lined 3x5 index cards, colored pens, post-its
Gum: minty and the kind that’s hard on the outside (like Eclipse); the kind wrapped in paper has a tendency to kinda melt in my purse
Sweets: the sugary stuff (Skittles, Nerds, Shocktarts, etc); Dark Chocolate anything (please double wrap this, might get stuck in post office and melt and get ants)
Rotel: heavy, but oh-my-goodness I love it
Any random fun thing from the dollar isle at Target
Silly putty
2010 Wall Calendar
Roach hotels
Fruity herbal tea (Tazo Passion or any Celestial Season)
Games: I have normal cards and Monopoly Deal, but no others; also jigsaw puzzles
Used media: books, magazines, music, movies; not much is available here, especially not new music; TV shows are great; I have a wish list on Amazon as well
Old cassettes because the car we use only has a tape deckJ
Decorations for the literacy office at work; I want an interesting workspace
Pretty stationary; not cards, but legitimate stationery for writing real letters. Send this and I promise you will get a genuine letter in return!
3M hanging products: my room has cement walls and I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to drill. I need stuff to hang both lighter and heavier things (like mirrors)
Be creative and surprise me!
Alright, that’s all I can think of for now. I might occasionally update the list or give more ideas. Thanks for letting me make this oh-so-selfish little post. I’ll follow it up soon with something a little less self-seeking.
So Tuesday morning I woke up and got ready for work. About 10 minutes before departure time I discovered that my roommate Alison was sick and so would not be driving to work, meaning I needed to take the car and drive. Never done that before in Tanzania. Never driven on the right side of the car and the left side of the road. Never driven in a place where motorcycles outnumber cars 20 to 1 with even more bicycles and pedestrians. So I started my journey, picking up two Tanzanian colleagues on the way, both choosing to sit in the back seat. I don’t think I drew breath the entire 20 minute drive to the office. I did fine, other than almost hitting a motorcycle, but not too bad I thought. When I got out of the car I was trembling and could barely walk, such was the nervous energy. I almost burst into tears. So this had been the planned day to go to the police station in an attempt to get my driver’s license. But I was not in the mood. The plan was to go with the Tanzanian office help. I sincerely hoped he would just forget. He didn’t. Right after morning prayers he said “Are you ready?” I nodded in pretense and tried to rev myself up for what lay ahead. So, after pleading for money for some office mates (I had accidentally left all mine at home which would be needed to get the license), we head out into the great unknown. We drove to the office, then waited for about 30 minutes for the license guy to come. I have begged for prayers from about 5 people at this point, and am starting to feel a bit better. So he comes, and asks me if I know all the Tanzanian road signs. Now I have only ever seen about 2 road signs in this country, but I figured confidence would go a long way, so I nodded courageously with a smile and affirmed that I did. After he questioned me on a few, which I successfully explained, he asked if I could drive a manual. Again, I figured confidence would take me a long way. Now I do indeed know how to drive manual, it’s just that I have never done so with my left hand. But I firmly explained that I have driven stick since I have known how to drive. He wanted proof. So we go back to the office and plead a car off another colleague so I can take the driver’s test. What I end up with is MASSIVE, probably the largest thing I’ve ever driven. So we go back to the station, the officer hops in the car, and we cruise the town. I continually turn on the windshield wipers instead of the blinker. It is hot and I am absolutely sweating bullets. My blouse is wet down to the elbows with sweat. We go to the bus station, and he hops out to do who knows what, then returns and we head back to the station. Go back into his office, and he tells me I have succeeded. But in order to get my license, I must first go to the tax place and get my learner’s license. Learner’s license. Please take a moment and appreciate that. So, back in the car and to the tax place to get the learner’s license, then back to the office to make photocopies of all pertinent documents. An hour later, back in the car (the small one now) and back to the station. Documents signed and stapled, oh, and with a personal request from the officer for one of my passport pics (denied), and then back to the tax office. Line, forms, and then I have the license…almost. It has not yet been stamped and signed. My part is done though. Wednesday the office help went back to the station and got the stamp and signature, so now I am ever so official, though still a bit intimidated driving here. So that’s my story, and I am so thankful. Thankful that God gave me the strength to go, thankful that I didn’t burst into tears at any point (which was a serious possibility), thankful I had a friend to go with me, thankful that I was actually able to drive stick with my left hand, thankful that I now have a driver’s license.
One week ago Wednesday I arrived in Musoma and have been starting my new life here. My house is wonderful and my roommate a lot of fun. So here’s the lowdown: My First Furniture! That’s right folks, up to this point the only piece of furniture I have actually owned is a bookcase that my father made for me when I was about 10. And I do love that bookshelf, but how much fun to have something made especially for me (pictures to follow). I got both a bedside table and a dresser made and both turned out really well. Nothing hugely special, but very fitting for my needs, a good cost, and it’s MY furniture. At age 27, I have finally taken this step. Now my things have a place and my room is beginning to feel lived in.
An Office Job: I have to admit, when signing up with this organization, I didn’t really picture myself sitting at a desk all day, but alas, that is how a good portion of my time will be spent. I am finding the transition to the 40 hour workweek a challenge. Those of you in medical residency, I do apologize; I know you work 80-100 hour work weeks. But for me, leaving at 8am and getting home around 5:45pm is definitely something new. Add into that working in Swahili and the steep learning curve in my job, I return home utterly exhausted and a bit anti-social. Hopefully this will improve as I adjust to the new schedule. Things I love about living here: • Fresh fruits and veggies, cheap! I can buy massive avocados, loads of fresh tomatoes, the yummy tiny bananas, and scrumptious pineapples. Yippee! • Visitors: I live on an orphanage compound and the ladies who care for the children come over and visit. Also kids from my roommate’s Sunday School class come over. It’s nice to have people just drop by and have a cup of tea. It’s also good for my Swahili. • Greeting: Greeting people is really important here. That means everyone you see who you know, you need to ask them how their work, family, home, etc, are. This can take some time, but I like it and it makes you feel like people care. • The cows! There are cows on the compound to provide milk for the kids. They just roam around, and I love it. I love sitting down with my coffee in the morning and seeing a cow wander past my window. I wonder if this will ever cease to amuse me. The Hard Things There are some difficult things as well. It’s a new place, and of course I don’t feel like I fit quite yet. I’m very timid to go out and about by myself and can get to shy to talk to people. We live pretty far away from most of the other missionaries, making it difficult to connect during the week, especially because it isn’t very safe to drive at night. Swahili kinda kicks my butt; I’m learning, but it’s still very frustrating to not be able to participate because I have no idea what’s going on. The tasks that lie ahead of me can easily overwhelm me. There is so much that I don’t know. I am the newest person in the project, so this feeling is compounded because no one is in the “totally new person” boat with me. This is humbling.
So that’s about it for now. Thanks for listening /reading. Write me an email too and I just might write you back!
Well my friends, I have finally decided to join the host of others and start my own blog. These first few months in Tanzania, for many reasons including a stolen computer and generally shoddy internet, I have felt rather out of touch with people from home. And so upon the recommendation of various people, I have decided to start this little blog. My hope is that through this outlet, I will be able to share with you stories about my life here, rather than save them all up until I next see you. I'm also hoping perhaps it will encourage you to send me emails:) And so with the beginning of 2010 begins this new blog, thoughts from my life in Tanzania and hopefully a few pictures to go along with it.
So here I am, livin' the dream in Musoma TZ. Days are good, days are rough, and in this blog you see a little of all of it. Just me as I stumble along, doing my best to serve Jesus in a small town in East Africa. Would love to hear your comments about what I write, all helping me feel a bit more connected with the world I left behind. Mbarikiwe!
